Thursday, June 30, 2005

Faith in the Fort

Folks, Alvin's latest post is a thoroughly good food-for-thought. You animal-lovers out there will probably dig his "pro-animal" sentiments. =)

with this gift of life I have received,
I will honour Your creations with love & kindness.

with every heartbeat You invest in me,
I will stay faithful, with joy & tenderness.

with these hands You have given me,
I will make the world a better place.

with these lips You have borned me,
I hope to share Your Word and grace.

with the seed of love You plant in us,
I pledge my loyalty always;
Your image in each other - we embrace.

Leave a tender moment alone,
for our hands express our hearts' desire
to man love's fort with courage, faith and Truth.

Till' later...

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Strange but True

A chance meeting with a possible business partner somehow yielded two listening prospects. However, one of them indicated having prior commitments already & wasn't going to join us.
The other fellow; his friend, seemed quietly receptive though. You could almost see him crunching the numbers and figures in his mind.

When we were still warming-up to each other, there was an occasion where I was amused at something this prospect siad. In that wierd moment, I kinda involuntarily half-laughed & blew my nose at the same time. Here comes the unpleasant part: The air wasn't the only thing that came out from my nose. Now, after you finish thinking about what form/texture that piece of booger was, imagine this: It lands right smack on the table-top; between yourself & the stranger you are happily engaged in conversation with.

The tricky part was trying to act amused at myself and ask to be pardoned as I turn my face away to sneeze into a tissue; whilst stealthily obstructing that nasal-poop from the strangers' views and swiping it off with the other napkin-armed hand. (Folks, I don't know if you could visualise that, but I give y'all my word that I do not carry any communicable disease. Unless you count being "in-love" or "love-sick" a malady. hoho..=)

At the end, we agreed to contact one another again in a few days to hopefully welcome the new friend aboard.

Thank you brother ~ The credit goes to you really ;-)

Monday, June 27, 2005

Grey Days don't Stay

Rainy days are always gonna be around whether we like it or not.

Thoughts translated from few-weeks-old pics:
I don't know about y'all, but when i wake up to find the weather outside looking like this, my mood gets affected somehow...

peaceful gloom 1
I'm either numbed into inaction/nuaness by the uninspiring, flat : almost 2-dimensional-looking scene... or

peaceful gloom 2
get egged into creativity-mode by the most unlikely/unexpected subjects...

untitled sunset
at the end of the day, i'm always humbled by how simple yet profound the colour-schemes above can be.

more words tmr~

Friday, June 24, 2005

Mid-year Menopause

The secular past seemed peaceful enough. But, though the paint-job looked good on the surface, the foundation of my personal "faith" could be comparable to a mud-hut in a quake-prone region. Too much lee-way was given, that could only mean inflicting upon myself more ungodly actions. To have felt some tinge of guilt, I guess there must still be some goodness left within. A tiny candlelight that yearned to do more than just glow - to out-shine the darkness, & cast a far-reaching light, radiating a finally cleansed soul. A poem I wrote some time ago encapsulates this nagging-past:

Redemption Seeking:

On a gloomy grey day;
that wasn't far away,
I contemplated my sins -
my impulses doing me in.

Unfortunate was the thought;
a double clot if not.
I drew the dagger while asleep
& finished me in gracious heat.

How did I falter;
can I repent?
Do you hear me Father;
am I your discontent?

For me to realise,
I know there's still hope -
If you help me light
the way to be PoPe.

Finally, I am about to embark on my studies again; after half a year's pause. The break has been somewhat fruitful though.

I'm may be repeating myself when I say, "I've expanded my personal space to embrace the spiritual and emotional". But, that really means a lot to me. All that has touched my heart and soul deeply, like nothing before. Even if I were a 10-year-old who's collected every single Happy Meal toy in the world, I would not be happier than I am now. I don't remember ever feeling this contented with life. And I cannot imagine how different life would be now if all those changes were taken away suddenly. I do not know then; if I'd ever find the courage & stamina - to face the professional challenges ahead; or even realise & nourish my faith enough to go to the Lord's house on my own...

Now, there is more meaning in life.

More, perhaps... after sun-down.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Stingy Prose

Woke up feeling a little zonked; but since I got my fill of 7hrs, my dizzy head got better soon enough. Er, realised I fell asleep while composing an SMS half-way at bedtime too~!

Here's some eye-candy(or space-fillers if you prefer) for you:
These were taken along the North-South Highway. My family and I were making our way home after spending Chinese New Year in K.L.

homeward bound: look at the jam that goes on & on...

watching: man in the mirror is going to fall asleep at the rate traffic is moving

stripped solitude : the only bare tree in the immediate vicinity of a resting spot

I thought this post was good enough script-material for Hollywood. Well done Marcus~! However, the post-9/11 fascination with war-movies has somewhat subsided recently. (I can't say for sure since the last movie I watched was.. er, something I can't remember:p) But you could always publish the novel first; then wait for Hollywood to come knocking to buy you story's reproduction-rights~!

More banner-design tweaking to begin the day's work. After lunch, I proceed to work on ACS' (Archery Club of Singapore) Polo-tee design. Scanning designs off the old tee and a club-crest was easy enough. Extracting them cleanly took a while, since the scans were of "somewhat 3-dimensional" objects. The evening draws close as I make little progress. I think I need to go sweat it out~! Eventually opted for a swim because calves were aching from yesterday's gym-work.

Will continue with the ACS-tee later~! *dinner-time*

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Wisdom? & Ego...

(>.<) I am awoken by my handphone alarm to find an unread message - "Rain, no play". I ring Marcus up to inform him. Luckily, he is still at home. I look out the window and feel somewhat thankful for the weather. Sleep-addict am I? No, I really need the sleep. And besides, I did my evening 5km yesterday. *poof* (-.-) *plonks back into polyester dreams*

Later, I am startled awake again for 2 reasons. (o.<) No, not because bad bedbugs bit. But ...

1) mainly because my internal bio-clock has activated a mechanical,woodcraft bird that emerges, from between my cerebral hemispheres, to begin prancing about irritatingly. (A hunting-compound-bow would come in handy now I thought) But if I ignored the "cuckoos" any further, I would be in for a rude shock later; when my bio-clock decides to up the dose by sounding the "grandfather-chimes" bundled with hunger-pangs and oversleeping-headaches.

2) Part of the startling is due to having remembered that I forgot to say a prayer before bedtime the night before. I don't know why, but the tinge of guilt that I felt eased away once I said simple words of thanks. But still, I do not know if I am speaking to Him. For I've not received any reply at all. Perhaps faith is the answer itself.

Random Post-meeting Afterthoughts:
U: in doing business, one must be shrewd
T: one must have trust in the partners involved

U: that guy seems like a hypocrite to me
T: trust appears not only in business, but also in relationships

U: always make a back door for yourself, so that you don't get played-out or back-stabbed
T: trust the system that we have; because it works!

To me, each one speaks his own personal wisdom - a culmination of hard-earned experience and sheer self-righteousness that may rub off positively or negatively on others. I tend to be easily swayed but here I'm really sincerely convinced about the deal. Just need to understand the mechanics of it all; before I can share it well enough with others.

Dropped by the club with the intention of shooting. But somehow got myself into another act of volunteerism? Only this time, I initiated that opportunity & volunteered myself! (No one was asking, Shameless I am eh?) It started off with a chat with Mr.S about whether I could skip the Beginner's Course and join right away as a member. Later, I remembered you mentioned something about plans for a new club T-shirt before. So I decided to whet my curiousity & inquire about it's progress from Mr.S. I didn't have to do much prodding before he readily showed me a sample Tee and club-logo for reference. He'd wished to have some help on this I thought. Later, Mr.F came along and joined in the discussion as well. And there and then, I decided to lend a hand.

(After doing the WASBE flyer & banner for free, now this. You all must be thinking I'm crazy.) Well, if there were anything to expand my portfolio with; that I find meaningful enough to do even just for the sake of people-pleasing design, I'll do for peanuts. I'm no professional, but I'll always try my best. (Just so that people don't curse and swear at me in case my name gets stamped on the inferiorly-designed-&-tardily-manufactured product) :p

Congratulations for being conned into reading this post. Thou may not have found any wisdom in it; but it's all the truth for today.
*roar* *chest-thumping* :o)

Monday, June 20, 2005

No Wonder

To Summarise the day:
Feeling: heppy, appreciated; thankful for and grateful to the people around me
Music: Latin Jazz
Food: Fish Ball Mee Pok, Rice
Work: Banner-design revision
There's no real content for today. But making plans for the week, I am, yes.

I've always taken a liking to the various forms of online-communication for purposes of keeping in touch with friends, family and acquaintances . Today I was told: "God speaks.. in various ways" Now, if only He had Messenger, Friendster and online forums back then.. Talk about spreading the word~!

Will leave you now with a not-so-pleasing-eyeful of optical-illusion-art in progress:

Silly Art Days circa 2001

Killl those hObbiTsSss.. we must~!
He has... our.. pre----ciious!

Friday, June 17, 2005

Me Eyes Grow Heavy

Hmm.. sorry for yesterday's let-down - no more chatter after lunchtime..
somehow not much new thoughts were dying to get out of my head..

The day started off bright and cheery; with a cyan morning sky and the glorious sun!

It didn't last for long though. By late morning, grey sheets creeped up over the island and pretty much dulled the weather for the rest of the day. On the less-grey side, the screening of the sun with a sprinkling of rain does make the summer weather much more bearable :)

More, as promised(not very much though):

Today, was... a tiring but interesting day. Played a lil'footy b4 the rain fell at noon-time. Fired a different, heavier-poundaged bow. (Is that the right description?) Took a few new bus routes. Visited SIM(HQ). It's a spick-and-span-looking campus I must say~ Alvin, i'm sure u're comfortable there; other than the travelling required.

Yep, that was pretty much it for today. Apologies for not living up to promise. But as the title says it all. Me eyes were heavy since I woke this morning. Like the other bow I used today, me eyes weigh a few pounds more at this moment.

That's all for now.. Untill tommorow~!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Euphoric Neurons

~ 8:30am:
There is nothing better than a head buzzing with thoughts to kickstart one's day.

Ironically, I was roused from blissful slumber by some vision in my sleep - a climax of bliss.

But after that, the numerous transient fragments of thinking could not stop coming to me, all at once. Like the countless tributaries and little streams that trickle ineveitably into a river, I see in my mind's eye: possible trials and agendas contributing more and more into the river of Life. And no, it is not a calm and pretty sight such as the
River Seine ... That will come eventually when Life runs its course... But now is the time of the white-water... the challenging terrain of rocks and rapids. Hang on to your horsey.. er, rubber-rafts I mean :D


12pm Newsflash:
I got my LaSalleSIA student card made yesterday :o)
& I've received a "Thank-you-for-applying" letter from NTU finally.
As fellow Artist/Designer EugeneT would say:
"Time for Revenge of the Private Art Schools~!!"
& I echoed, "Onward with the Revolution~!!" (^o^)

1pm Nonsense:
I was just singing along to a Sixpence None The Richer song when I re-discovered that I kinda like singing in falsetto . Even though I had difficulty trying to match Sixpence's lead singer, Leigh Nash; I got a kick out of mimicking her saccherine vocals. Hmm, or myb I just like to "BeeGee-fy" any song that comes to my fancy. Muah~hahahar~~!!

More chatter, later

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Whiter Shade of Pale

Can one ever be fairer than the purest of Winter's first snowfall? To be the fairest amongst them all? Perhaps only for so long. Even in snowflakes (in its most miniscule form - ice-crystals) ; you will never find 2 flakes of the exactly the same size and crystallization-pattern.
The most unblemished skin also cannot remain eternally spotless and wrinkle-free.

Things have been a little unsettling lately:
1. I've not created as much Art/Design pieces as I would have liked to, in the past few weeks.
2. I've been given a great opportunity to realise my financial goals, but it'll require me to step out of my comfort-zone and maybe be a little "evil" :p
3. To have certain ugly-truths revealed. That make me grit my teeth in consolation and helplessness. That also, unfortunately, give me reason to question my trust.

But, I rationalise optimistically:
1. I believe in "applying" my Art/Design process in all other areas of life. For that, I am glad to have approached
2. Opportunities not grabbed are 100% lost.. If I'd engage them 100%, I might only get 20% in returns but would a lesson or two with the other 80%. Just have to be prepared to commit enough time into its development.
3. Here, I do not wish to let external impersonal incidents start affecting my internal personal judgement too much. But that said, even as I unknowingly continue admiring what really is one's mask, at least I do so with conviction, true belief, and a clear conscience.
(I'm not a delusionist, but I try to make the best out of things :o)

For now, i'm relishing the sequence of loading, raising, drawing, aiming and releasing... of course with a bit of inspiration from someone *wink* ;o)

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Life In Transit

I look at the itinery while I wait-out the days before take-off...
I've gone through it at least, twice or more? Enough to make me WANT to get some work done while I wait.. But then, the reality is that planning one's own work is easy.. Actually getting it done is another thing. It sure takes a lot more discipline to address self-imposed tasks..

I made the 2nd phone call to the NTU-OAD passenger-service..
They told me that my flight-application was STILL under processing..
I should get my confirmation by this week.. So, what else can I do but sit here and continue waiting..

At the same time, I've got a LaSalleSIA flight booked too; just need to matriculate by this week.. So, by the time the tickets to Nanyang Drive arrive(if they ever will), I would have already boarded the plane to Goodman Road.

At least we're getting somewhere in our Spiritual and Emotional journeys.
A great light illuminates the way from afar; and it beckons me slowly but surely. It is on this way, I can take the time to appreciate the scenery, smell the lilies and all.
All this would not have been possible; if not for you - the patient travel-companion within. You haven't told me much about Him; but yet I've read for myself in your travelogue. Because of that, I thank you even if you may not feel your effort deserves it.
The beauty of it is that He never once asked for my ticket, for a passage to pass. Perhaps someday, I'll find out that He'd paid for my journey too.
Keep walking with me and I know I will.

More travels to come...

Sunday, June 12, 2005

More Sharing

I'm done with my part-time course (still owe a project though~!) but that dosen't mean I go kai-kai or slack everyday! Since I quit working, most of my travels(machiam SG very big) involve going to workout nowadays(either gym or court soccer). At home, I've been doing this flyer and banner design for the upcoming
WASBE2005 Conference .

For the longest time, I've not had a good mingle-in-the-crowd; that didn't involve trying to hurry past them. So today, I dropped by the Police Academy for the Police Week cum Road Safety Awareness Carnival. (guys, this is where u say: yea right, go Carnival to mingle with crowd! Bedok Central no crowd ah?) Ah, but I like to explore new ground.

Anyway, I got there about 10am - early(by Sunday-morning-standards), so the crowds had not built-up yet. Lined-up along the boundaries of this big field there were big,white tents with F&B stalls; game stalls & souvenir and miscellaneous retail stalls. I walked through the whole length of them. Enjoyed myself most at the mini archery range :D (again, to u guys: you have great imagination about how i was being "coached" lah! But, every visitor to the archery booth also received similar coaching what. -.-)

Unfortunately, I did not whip out my camera too many times because of the lack of eye-catching visuals. Perhaps flustered by the increasingly humid weather, I was somewhat less inspired too. Even so, I was always finding something for someone in mind. & I received it from a guy dressed up in a colourful clown outfit.
"Thank you, Mr.Balloon Twister" *wink* ;)

Recently, I started attending a Church service (just to clarify, in case u were puzzled by last post which made no mention of "Church") Last Sat was only my 2nd ever such attendance. During that service, what is known as, a "charismatic" style of worship, is practised. (correct me if I'm wrong, anyone?) I'm not sure what other styles there are, but I find the music to be very enlivening for a start. And just like last week, I "went back to school" again, kinda' like retracing some forgotten past where His Word was first made known to me.

The main message to the congregation during that service was about questioning your own fears of reaching out - evangelising. I got what the Pastor was saying but couldn't relate fully for I myself am not Christian yet. For the true believers, the message probably struck a chord more resoundingly with them. Perhaps this(calling to action?) was why you felt it was "so wierd". Is it something all Christians are compelled to do? Maybe when the time comes, I'll know as well. (",)

Even though I didn't actually receive any divine calling/sign from Him; within, I found myself getting in touch with my spirituality; and actually enjoying the experience of it all. As I continue to search for it, I hope that the Church may well lead me to find Truth soon.

What my Friendster Horoscope said today:
"Don't be surprised if you go to make your usual roar and a wee little meow comes out. You're not quite your usual big, bold self, which may be disconcerting. You'll find, however, that being kittenish has definite advantages."
*puzzled look* (o.o) meow?

Sunday, June 05, 2005

To Know Him

I never knew Him by name.

The closest was back in Anglican High..
Back then, we had Bible class(in mandarin!) and Assembly(sing-a-long/worship-type). Having Civics&MoralEd. lessons conducted in Mandarin already was enough for me. Being preached to; in the language I was poor in, only served to put me off altogether. Maybe I wasn't receptive, or just plain ignorant. But what was I to do if I could go no farther than a few characters(only recognised some names like "John" or "Jesus") before stumping upon unfamiliar ones - yes, the Bible was printed in Mandarin, old-fashioned-multi-stroked-characters!! fan2 ti3 zi4!! So much for my 1st brush with Evangelists.

Those days, I never saw the need for religion. I only had my parents/teachers/friends/myself to answer to. Yet, I was no atheist. I had always acknowledged God's existence. (The One God I blogged abt in a previous
post) This God, whom perhaps only I prayed to. I even borrowed a prayer from the pocket-Bible(that an uncle handed down to me) that goes something like:
"Our Father who is in Heaven, your name be kept holy; your kingdom come; your will be done on Earth, as in Heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors. Lead us; not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever."

After speaking the lines, I'd always ask God to bless my loved ones and resolve their difficult trials. Doing that was meaningful enough to me - enough to satisfy the inner-me spiritually. Somehow, after leaving Anglican, I never said those lines before bedtime anymore. (It is a wonder even to myself, that they were recently recalled with unusual ease!)

Check out AHS' Website!
okay, the link leads you to the school's core values page; where I will take the opportunity to give blessings to my Alma Mater and to ask: "Chiching Brothers, when was the last time we formed the Holy-Circle!?" :p

And then,
I walked through the big wooden doors into the hall. There were at least 150 people, mostly youths, inside. A good number of them formed neat rows at the stagefront. With a wide, raised stage, soft stagelights and many rows of flip-down cushioned seats, the place resembled a concert-hall. On the right-end of the stage, a 5-piece combo-band was playing some introductory tune with guitar-riffs. Upon the 2 empty wall-faces sandwiching the stagefront, were song-lyrics; projected keenly. I notice a small "control-centre" (probably the Soundbox?) of sorts near the back-row seats.
When the band and on-stage singers led the crowd into song, I couldn't help but feel like I had been trasported 7 years back in time, into a school hall Assembly in Anglican once more.

A windy night.
The scent of rain.
Words, took easy flight.
Knowing glances, sustained.
Then, I could only love with words,

Could not bring myself to touch..
But now, in spite of myself, I reached forth.

The Night quietened.
And a gentle stirring began from within:
A feeling that radiates warmly,
enveloping your being with unspeakable euphoria.
That sends your heart racing on a rainbow,
soaring to the clouds, the stars.. Utopia!

Pulled apart to return once more.
This gift I offer to you: Patience, reassured.

Now, for a song:
"Tender is the light/Lying by your side//Tender is the touch/Of someone that you love too much//Tender is the day/The demons go away//Lord I need to find/Someone who can heal my mind" - Tender by Blur

Thursday, June 02, 2005

The Plane of Days Pass

I see planes..
flying off into the South...
they are a common feature..

But common,
the cloud patterns aren't; here..
everyday, everymoment, they're different..

Shape-shifting.. billowing..
like an inviting fluff of a bean bag..
an omnimous anvil of lightning & thunder..

cotton rug stretched flat, far and wide at times..
foggy grey brushstrokes without shape
that envelope the sun on other occassions..

I should like to put them all on canvas,
but even that would be impossible..
(ah, such is life) but i'll try till I know..

recreate infinity to outlast mortal soul.