365 Days Crossed

A back dated post...
17th August 2006
Now that I'm a year-old Christian, I look back and see how things have changed...
It may appear that no significnt changes have occured, but I can attest to the great work
that Christ has done with my inner being.

Not that all my days since were sunny and with glee.
Not that there there were no more heart-breaks and bouts of self-doubt.

******

8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (NIV)

******
During the times when I was feeling down,
I would be comforted after reading an encouraging verse or two and telling Jesus
my troubles though prayer.

When things were going my way and I was feeling confident about things,
I'd be reminded by verses that spoke of humility and prompt me to give thanks
to my Provider.

And when troubles arose in relationships with people around me,
the Healer has shown Himself to comfort sorrowful hearts and
work even in pre-believers whom I know have been kept in prayer.

I may not have had distinctly supernatural encounters with the Spirit yet,
but so far, the way that events fall into place with impromptu activities fitting nicely into schedules; makes me think of the Planner's thoughtfulness and smile.

Only on one occassion did I feel the Spirit manifest itself in my being...

During the ministry-time of the BMC* I attended back in March, I was praying amidst fellow
BMC brothers and sisters for the Father's touch. And at some point in time, my
arms and chin, which were raised toward the ceiling, started trembling and became warm.
An experience unlike any other that I did not even know what was going on. But it felt as if
a pair of hands was gently embracing my cheeks. Tears and tongues spontaneously followed.

******

"12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." ----------------------- Philippians 3:12-14 (NIV)

******
Because I wasn't free earlier in the week, a telephone-meeting was arranged tonight between me and a fellow cell-mate. The conversation that followed entailed possible roles that I might have to be prepared to fulfill within the cell. With the eventual departure of several cell-mates who'd also graduated from University recently, I see myself parting with the old-mates and welcoming new ones who are just beginning their varsity life.

New ventures on the stroke of a year? I do feel an uncertainty about my state of preparedness, but cell-mate reassured me that "a heart that is willing to be used by Him will be equipped" and that "God values His children's obedience".

And so now I'm learning to cultivate a submissive spirit - in the context of doing God's work.
And as I see the growing necessity of filling-in those cell-functions, I can only start praying that my limited knowledge of the Word and people-skills will be put to His use; entrusting the ministry to His miracle-able hands. Amen.

******
*BMC : Baptism & Membership Class

How now, brown cow?

Losing sleep as a result of my BAGD* research and proposal making...
I understand very well when you say: "Stimuli like, too much information, seeing too many of something, too much noise" that begets "descending feeling of fear, dread or depression"
( Joles © 2006 with too much, too little... p 14 Aug 2006)

I even wonder if that citation was done in an
academically-appropriate manner; like every other quotation
I've scoured and sieved through LKCRL** for.

(Way)Earlier this morning I was dreading the prospect of
facing the penalty my tutor said she'd impose on those who fail to
submit our personal project-PPI's***, coupled with citations and bibliographies.
"...Shall not receive consultation-sessions from me..."

Deciding to take a power-nap, I lay on the couch in my living room.
T'was pitch dark except the view outside the lone open window:
a dense saturated violet/burgundy glowing faintly at the edge of the horizon.

Just as I lull into the void of unconsciousness,
somewhere in my head fires an instinctive warning that
jolts my senses out of slumber.
Swallowing slowly, I could not help but fear the above-said penalty.

Steadying my breath and thoughts,
I shuttle between wakefulness and the darkness a dozen tries
Even the ambient peaceful hush could not put my mind at rest-the wordless warnings
echo like remnant smoke trails that follow after the surprise mental artillery.
After my fatigued mind numbed itself out, a slab of steak dissolves in my sub-conscious.

How now, brown cow?

_________________________________________

BAGD*Bachelor of Arts; Graphic Design
LKCRL**Lee Kuo Chuan Reference Library, National Library
PPI***Plan, Purpose & Intention

riding out of the sunset

*! *
^

o, o
~


6.6
*














recently,
several deadlines arrived like 3 lasso(es) flung out of the dimension known as
the past("i think 2 or 3 weeks should be enough to get this done")
and just tightened themselves over my neck and limbs...

having done just enough to get them nooses loosened,
i'm once again galloping along the dusty plains,
searching for suitable pastures in the land of the gigantic bookshelves...

at present("hey i think i can breathe a little better now")
i can barely smell any scent of danger; but in the corner of my eye,
the ropes are ever twirling, wielded by those whom i entrust or am entrusted to.

God knows
they have been easy on me so far
God sees
every crumb, every snore & every tap of my chin

Lord in You i trust
deliver me Your way,
i declare Your mercies and grace!

Nehsasali Notty Notise

Deer elliwan who nose me hor,
I bery beeji in you-nee lately. But leemember i still yr blardder.

ChiChing Bladderhoot:
Got NIU photos frm Genting Highs-land n U-Wei Ikea-land Dipachure

NTU-Cell de:
I up-lowding photos frm the July's FareWell n B'day party.
But like take very long leh becoz te systum muz wan-by-wan pick te files de.
So myb when lu lead dis liao, still hairven up-lowd feenice.. Paiseh ah..

******

By the way, the above infomation is acurate and is meant to be communicated to the above-said people-groups. I trust that I won't be receiveing any requests for a "translation" of the above from anyone of u readers? o.0

Though it reads easy on the dialect-knowing tongue, it's surprisingly not so simple to actually spell every syllable differently.

It is, however, refreshing to be writing and speaking with language&spell-check "off" once in a while. Especially now when I've to drag myself to the library and struggle to keep my eyes open whilst reading through academic essays.

Yes.
Graphic Design.
Has many theories.
Well-documented in several academic publications.
Plus other academic fields from which GD can be philosophised, sociologised, economised n anthropologised (& etc-ised) upon.
Do those word-forms exist?
No time for that now.
Tell me if u do know.

******

Your Name... is a strong and mighty tower!

Good Friday Night

~ Wide Night Sky ~

Easy Dinner

Mom was eager to catch last episode of TV-serial this evening.
She asked if I would go buy us takeaway-dinner. I asked Dad and
he said. "Why not we cook something. There're things in the fridge and freezer right?"
I thought about it. Then remembered that we got a bottle of olive oil not long ago; and I had wanted to try cooking stuff with with it! Aha! I'll use the frozen fish, some tomatoes and whatever else I can find.

Fresh ingredients into the fry:
20mins later, my creation was ready to be served:
"Pan-fried Dory-fillet with Tomato-apple sauce"












Chef's comments:
-Fish was fragrant with olive oil and coarse black-pepper seasoning.. (now i think almost anything cooks nicely with olive oil (^^)
- Fried tomatoes were bursting with olive-oil enhanced juices
- Fried apples were tender and tasted like "apple-pie filling"
- Tomato-Apple sauce that resulted from frying the two ingredients was yummy! (^^)

Hope u're not feeling too hungry now.. :p

Complete

Port Dickson 25 March 2006

I sometimes wonder:
If one achieves all that he has set out to do in life, what else is there for him to live for?
Would he strive to leave behind a legacy of his own? Or would he attempt to lead a totally different life; to try living life in someone else's shoes perhaps.

One thing I've noticed is that some people can indulge themselves in luxury all they want
but never find satisfaction. And there are those who work hard just to sustain their hedonistic pursuits. To some, the pub or disco has become a place of worship(of worldly pleasures)!
Yet at closing time, do all the revellers leave their favourite nightspots feeling like they had a great time? Would that kind of "high" sustain them or lift their spirits throughout the rest of their working-lives? Or would they sober-up one morning; after a hang-over, to find themselves still hungry for something more than any human-relationship or comfort foods can provide...

Here is a song that speaks to me so much about how God has worked in my life..
Have a listen here .

Complete
-------------------------------------------------------------
Here I am, Oh God
I bring this sacrifice--my open heart.
I offer up my life.
I look to You, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you Lord
In your strength will I break through Lord
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears.
Through the storm I will hold on Lord
And by faith I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in
I will be complete in
I will be complete in You
-------------------------------------------------------------
Source: Willingdon Church (Burnaby, Canada) <--More worship-song downloads and resources available too~

I believe I stumbled upon it, not by chance, but by the awesome and mysterious ways of God. And His hand is always at work in our hearts, moulding us to be just like his Son; teaching us to love as He loved.

******

To those of you who think God is somewhere far away in the cosmos, know this:
His presence is everywhere. Whenever. Wherever.

In fact, at this very moment, His hand is gently knocking on the door of your heart.
Patiently waiting so that He may have even just a minute or two,
from your hecitc life, to spend with you.

He relishes the times when you call upon Him;
He's always been wanting to have a relationship with you.

When you get to know Him and trust in His plans to prosper you,
you won't be too puzzled about life anymore.

God enjoys putting the puzzle-pieces of our lives into place.
Even if you only find Him in the twilight years of your life,
the heavens will still rejoice!

No joy is there like finding oneself complete in Him.
With God, we're complete.

Race against the worldly...

I huffed...
and I puffed...
and almost spilled my lungs out!

Just came back from a run KL invited me to join in.
It was a weekly Thursday affair organised by RunningLab (a retail outlet at Funan Centre catering to every runner's needs!) and local running-enthusiast-group SG Runners.

***

Today, Nike Singapore came to offer some of their latest running-specific models for us to try out on the road. F.O.C. plus a range of about 4-5 different models catering to various persons feet-specifications; both for the ladies and men. That was one of the incentives for me personally. For you see, I have not been hitting the road/track/trail regularly enough. I knew that the 10km-route to be covered that evening was not to be taken lightly.

So I thought giving this a shot might help rekindle those athletic aspirations I once had :p
School(almost expectedly) schedule is the reason for this season of sedentry or "nua-ness" (btw I believe "nua" in Hokkien means: "liquify", also refers to "saliva", but used in my context it means to "slack-off physically".) These days, I only manage short jog/runs lasting no more than 30mins, roughly twice a week. That seems to be the bare minimum for maintaining some form of fitness that I once had during N.S. (Not fantastic but to me, it's a milestone already!)

And so we gathered at this wide open pavement, along the SG-river (opposite some nice-looking restaurants like Riciotti and Just Steak). There, the whole lot of about 40 runners were led through a comprehensive warm-up session. I found out from another fellow senior SG Runner that he appreciates the warm-up leader's efforts. "Very good stretching and best thing is that we don't need to sit on the ground too!" he quipped heartily.

***

We took off towards the Esplanade park, passing Clarke Quay, Empress Place(where the A.C.M is now, with VCH nearby), Cavenah and Anderson Bridge along the way. We make a right at the Esplande Bridge, taking the broad walkway beneath the bridge, and towards the Esplanade Theatre. Going past the numerous strolling couples and dinner crowds in the restaurants alongside, I couldn't help but wonder who was more envious of the two parties - I'd love to be having dinner just there and then but perhaps the diners were wishing they could have more exercise in their lives too. hoho...

At almost 2km, we "charge" into the coastal grounds known as Marina Promenade. As I passed beneath the Sheares bridge flyover, I felt a tinge of doubt; questioning whether I cound actually make it back on my own two feet, running!

Anyway, to spare you the excess commentry, at the 5km turning-point, Kallang MRT was no more than 200m away. As we made the U-turn, the sheer thought of having to cover that much distance back to finish was almost crippling,psychologically. This was mainly because of a growing ache in my lower abdomen that, up to this point, had been not subsiding at all. The other mind-block had to do with the memory of my freak lung puncture back in 2000.

Now, every stride I took was becoming shorter.I tried hard to regulate my breathing but the ache in the belly wouldn't go. KL called out to me as he noticed me lagging behind. I waved him forward, asking him to go on first since he still showed no signs of tiring. Then in a brotherly-gesture, he slowed down his pace to match mine, constantly urging me to keep going. I appreciated his timely encouragement and convinced myself that I was going to hang in there despite that tummy-cramp.

With his motivation, we made it back in about 53mins. That works out to be 5min18sec per km.
Later, we retrieved our bags from Running Lab, freshened-up and went to nearby Circular Road(i think) coffee-shop for dinner. Fellow SG runner commented over dinner that "today's pace offered a reasonably good workout". I certain agreed; recalling how I much better I felt after the finish - once I caught my breath and cooled down.

***

As I reflected on the run later...
I realised how it parallels one's walk with God.

The physical strains to keep oneself moving forwards is akin to the Bible-study and Quiet-time in the process of spiritual growth.
When fatigue sets in later in the run, words of encouragement are priceless towards helping one reach the finish-line. And likewise when various challenges threathen to dampen one's spiritual-life, there is nothing like being prayed for by fellow Brothers & Sisters; to affirm each other in Christ.

Patience is of upmost importance especially in long-distance runs.
A SG Runner commented, "Young people generally don't have the patience to run marathons. That's why you notice mainly middle-aged people participating in them. Bcs they have the patience to run 4-5hrs on the road". If one starts off too quick a pace than necessary, the irregular rhythm and cramps that results later nullifies any initial advantage gained.
And in our relationship with God, we should not be preoccupied with trying to make God tangible to us. Just as every relationship requires time and devotion, let us instead seek to build ours' based on the fundamental truth that "God loves us"; reciprocrating His love in earnest prayer, worship and ministry. With that, may we come to realise that God's been with us all this while.

***

Perhaps...
The race, of life, is in fact against oneself.
Search your heart. Only when you find the pace that works best for you; will you truly find contentment and enjoyment with every stride you take.

***

A Big "Thank You" to KL
-for it was he who helped me with my leap of faith .
6 months and counting now :)

"And let us consider how we may consider to spur one another on toward love and good deeds" Hebrews 10:24

Grounded Cupid

'Twas 300-odd days ago,
on the postman i rested my hope
The next evening we let words flow,
A light rekindled as she spoke

Reviving sentimentalities,
we casually delight
each-other's faint memories;
funny how our paths reunite

And so began the wooing
that looked to a future
There was sincere purpose
and heartfelt gesture

Then slowly came the issues,
that begged to be revealed
Was your trust misused,
and thus remorse congealed?

I prayed for healing,
you searched your heart
Lord heard our pleading;
forgiveness He'd impart

Yet that was all,
but surely lasting-bliss
Though He took our fall
still something was amiss

We had reserved ourselves
before the elders spoke
Though babes in Christ,
we were unequally yoked

Just about a fortnight ago,
we were ministered to
Hearing Godly advice though
there were dangers exposed too

And so we agreed
that we'd let the Lord show
If we fit indeed
pray He'd let us know

Although it's tough when our heart's all silenced
I will trust with all my spirit, in His steadfast asylum

Drawing the 38th Parallel

It was a thorough and long discussion on things that had dawned upon us.
These new insights on matters-of-the-heart have proved to be compelling and challenging to our otherwise "ordinary(but still religious)" conceptions on the topic.

Perhaps there is Godly counsel yet to be sought; that step which we unwittingly jumped, proceeding to trust solely our 1st impressions, reflections and emotions. However innocently we had convened on the issue then, we must live with the ramifications of our actions.

I pray for God's presence to be with us as we offer-up our union for His sake.
Should He allow us to continue, then brighter, our Light must shine.
Yet if He bid us apart, then it shall be done amicably.

Grant Your children wisdom I pray.
In You we trust.
Amen.

Fulfilling Forgotten Fanfare

Into Queenstown & Beyond

I made my way to Katong Shopping Centre (K.S.C) during the mid-day lesson-break today..
Went there by myself yep; cos' most of my class had dispersed already after lecture while i waited for lecturer to be free for a word or two.

At K.S.C, I dropped-off 3 books for photo-copying. Yep, I'm too lazy(and stingy) to want to find out if stores stock these precious tomes I reckon will be useful for my visual-communication-theories report. (they should help me generate at least half, if not 1/3 of tt 2000word report by end of this Sem) "2000-words" may seem like any regular varsity essay benchmark; but I beg to differ when this report is meant to support my Design Practice module i.e. e practical aspect, major Design-project for e Diploma Grad-show.

While the burden of an unresolved(more like unconceived!) idea lay heavy on my mind, I decided to follow my gut and headed for the mini food-court in the basement-level. I was grumbling to myself(think irritated Mr.Bean) about how the different dishes being hawked didn't appeal to my picky(unusual, but apparently so on this ocassion) tastebuds... Then I remembered there were more food stalls outside this air-con food-court. I stepped out into the al fresco dining area and found a stall bearing a signboard with tempting food-photos; enlarged so that one's tongue would involuntarily salivate while his eyes and brain were at odds as to which dish deserved more attention drooling over.

Partly out of curiousity and chance, I chose Curry Chicken Noodle.

Fantastic. Spicy. Shiok!
Borrowing from The Sims2 game-jargon, I would say that having that wide bowl of Curry Noodles raised my Aspirations Meter by a few levels; boosting my Culinary Experience Points(not sure if there is such a thing in e game :p) by the thousands and leveling-up my Sim in the process!
After I gobbled up the noodles, I even ordered an extra bowl of rice to further savour the remaining curry with. That was how yummy it was! The stall-helper even handed me a few serviettes when he noticed me perspiring from the flavourful potent dish!

This is one of those days when a nice meal makes me delightfully-fulfilled for the day
*burp* Oops! :-D :-D :-D

******
Another childhood love














******
Back in school, I was scheduled to meet up with Mr. NH -- whom I had ordered a band-music album from. He owns and runs Light Music People, a local distributor of imported band-music under the European-based "Hafabra" and "Jive Music" collections. I was referred to him by another local band-music importer/retailer called Classical Music Collections (CMC).

The 2CD album was hand-delivered to me at my school's carpark where Mr. NH had driven to. I was pleasantly surprised that the 2CD album cost only S$23 because it was a promotional release in celebration of Hafabra Music's 10th anniversary! (^^)
You can find that special album "Decennium" here: Hafabra Music Catalogue. The album is listed as Vol.14 in the Catalogue. When you preview each album and select a song, a MP3 soundbite is provided for sampling!
If you'd like to listen, here are two of my favourites from Decennium Disc2:
Romantic Ceremonial
Take A Walk


Mr.NH's friendly disposition and unhurried gestures prompted me to initiate more conversation; for I felt that it was only polite to do so since he's taken the trouble to come all the way. He told me he had a home delivery to make somewhere nearby and so, could conveniently drop by LaSalleSIA along the way. Also, he has been to LaSalleSIA before; with his Singapore Wind Symphony(SWS) band-mates. (Probably to conduct music workshops I thought) He's not playing with the SWS already but earns his keep mainly by teaching clarinet in several schools and looking after his band-music business. Eventually, when I told him about my band-music background, I found out that he knows my conductors(Mr.&Mrs.Chua) from AHBand too! (Both Mr.&Mrs.Chua used to play with the SWS too) In fact, He was going to travel with MrsChua to Bangkok the following day & conduct a University band there!

Ah, I can still remember her firm but expressive style of conducting in those days when I was sitting in the second row of the Woodwind section with my Tsx in hand. Under the husband&wife conducting-duo, I received one of the best band-music education due to their two distinct styles of conducting. Mrs Chua's had more restraint but always managed to draw out the deepest emotions; coaxing a moving, lyrical sound from our band. Mr Chua's demanded more free-flowing expression, preferring us to sound outwardly-confident and flexible.

Before we parted, I thanked Mr.NH and asked him to give Mrs.Chua my well-wishes. He reminded me that she has a good memory and would probably recall her old student(graduated 6yrs+ ago now!). And so the music goes on~!

After the telephone-men got too old to climb

Quiet Ideation

New Year's Eve at Marina Bay ***
Where, oh where art thou;
My imagination's cow?
Grazed in pure pastures;
Yet no milk hath thou now.
***

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
Psalms 23:1

Towards 2006 (update1)

Ah, what better way to start the new year's eve than to feel accomplished after having some spring cleaning done~ (Okay, not the most exciting way to party, i know "-.-)
Oh well, though the job's not 100% done yet, i'm glad that at least there aren't piles of waiting-to-be-sorted-out stuff lying on the floor now.. *phew*

Oh, and i think i'll do some revision to this space's design in the weeks to come(i'm going to have some Web Design modules this sem!) (^^).. that is if i have spare time for tt! (o.0)
For now, i've taken away tt "profile-poem" from here since it can be found in my Friendster profile anyway..

Another thing, i'll be updating more stuff, expanding this very post in the next few days so that i won't confuse you with a rojak-posts of 2005-recollections and 2006-resolution =p

I hope 2006 will be better than last year for you all! :D

******

7th Jan 2006
In the past month+, I rendered my service as part of the backstage crew in COOS' Christmas musical, The Other Wiseman.
I rolled-up my sleeves for several days each week to work with the small crew of "servant-hearted" youths. The initial weeks were spent working on props and putting together the stage proper. Towards early Dec, we had almost completed all required props and the performers(cast, choir & dancers) started on-stage rehearsals. Soon after mid Dec, we had rehearsals almost every other evening, which we had to attend so as to be well-prepared for the actual 4 showtimes. Into the last few days before the 1st evening show, the crew was roped-in to help complete some costume-making; more specifically, the finer touches to the Magi costumes, and of course, their exaggerated, opulent head-gear!
Eventually, the 4 well-received shows ran smoothly overall; with but a few minor glitches.

Of special mention:
1. Before most of the rehearsals and actual-shows, all the people involved would come together and pray. As bowed heads and closed eyes surrounded the stage, we were blessed with prayer by people from the various 'departments' involved in the musical. An actor verbalised his thoughts on the potential of this production to touch people's hearts before praying for the directors and producers who would shape the final "look" of the whole musical. Another related a personal experience of how he was deeply moved by the choreography of one of the Dance-Ministry's performance he saw several years ago. He went on to pray for all the dancers who would be performing. And someone prayed for the production team/backstage crew even! Everyone involved was prayed for. That, I thought, was really special. Different prayers concerning different aspects of the production, but they always ended by "lifting the production to God, for the glory of His name".

2. On the whole, I gained valuable insights into theatre production and learnt numerous craft techniques. Also, I got a lunch treat at NYDC and X'mas presents from several people involved in the musical too! I felt really blessed with their generousity though I felt awkward too; at not having prepared any gift for them. Then, I recalled how in TOWM-musical, Artaban didn't have any gift as tribute to the King of Kings when he finally found Him. And I realised that it wasn't the actual material gift that mattered, but rather the heart behind it! They(gift-givers) probably spent a good part of their free-time off rehearsals to put together something to bless me with. These gifts, big or small, I shall appreciate the same because they were given in remembrance of He who gave His only Son! So, more importantly, as I look back at my first attempt at serving God and His people, I find myself being rewarded with newfound friendships that are immeasurable by manhours or paychecks.

******

Whilst busy with TOWM-musical commitments, I missed two X'mas dinners! One was oraganised by my cell while the other was by my long-time(AHS-days) "Chi-Ching-brothers"(now with the addition of a few sisters=).

Initially, I felt disappointed at not being able to share in whatever merry-making they had. But when I thought again about the significance of this work-His work!, this musical as an offering to the Lord, any ill thoughts were quelled by a deep-set truth:His everlasting love and grace; within my heart. I recalled my walk with God thus far and realised that my time was nothing compared to the mercy and grace He has shown me.

On the night of the 2nd dinner (w brothers), I sent a msg of cheer to my sorely-missed buddies and received many affirming replies that showed their understanding and support for what I was doing~ Then recently, I received some nice lil' present and card that I was to have received during the dinner with the Cell I missed.

Ah, my thoughts were with them despite my physical absence~ Thank God for such people in my life! :D

******

Forgiveness and letting go

Once, I fell into darkness; but your shining-light picked me up.
When I withheld the facts, your frankness left no stone untouched.

Then, I confessed the truth & you bore my guilt with disdain.
To be truly commited was to come to terms & bear some pain.

Like what He did so long ago, we believe and are changed
I had faith, that you would come to accept things from my past some day

Now I know: He took away my shame
so that we would do the same

******

It was really bad-timing.
She was having her exams really soon and
I was into my final month of project-refining and assessment.
Then again, there was never going to be a good time to hear the things I said.
It wasn't the sort of thing I'd normally tell anyone.. let alone someone so dear...

After doing so,
I prayed for God's mercy and healing to be unto her..
for I could only bank on Him to help ease the pain..
Where trust was shaken,
I prayed that my true intentions would surface amidst
the initial ugly truth...
And I prayed against the cruel irony of this "truth" "betraying" her..

Though I knew we both didn't get enough sleep, I had to see how she was doing.
So, that Sunday morning became the first meal we had together at her home.
Had some time to chat with her folks too. Really nice.
Unfortunately, I couldn't put myself
totally at ease knowing that the cold hard facts were probably still tormenting her soul;
beneath her calm, quiet mood.

And after several days of emotional-cliffhanging, we got together to work-out the issue at hand. I'm sure it took a lot of emotional strength and faith for her. She told me she finally understood what it meant to forgive someone; attributed her "healing" to how we ought to show Christ-like love to one another, on account of His name. Reasoning also that she did not want to be a "stumbling block" in my still-early Christian walk almost brought me to tears.
It felt like I was delivered again.

We prayed for "us" and I had a sense that God had heard my prayers.

Thank God it become another milestone in our new life together.
I shall remember how His grace was ministered to me through my Love.

Odd Library Spree

I was searching high and low for a book shelf with CALL no. 686.2244536; all over Bedok Community Library's "computer-related books area". There was Photoshop, Dreamweaver on one-side and tons of programming books on the other. Wondered where the Adobe InDesign book, I was looking for, was.

I had to trouble a lady from the helpdesk downstairs to help me find it. She led me to an unfamiliar-end of the library with a sign "Non-Fiction" hanging above it. Around me were books about Language and Humanities, Travel and General-Interest subjects. We stopped at the last row of shelves facing the window.

An info-tab on one shelf read "686". "Aha! I'm gonna find it soon!", I thought. I scanned the two shelves and noticed a few very interesting titles printed on the book-spines. "Wow! Why haven't I been here before?" These were books that were especially catered for graphic-design junkies. Books about Typography, Layout, Layout Software and also some Design-Showcase/Annuals.

I wonder what these were doing here, half-a-library-length away from the other computer-software books. Perhaps there wasn't enough space back there; or not enough graphic-design books in the collection to get its own subject-matter-dedicated bookshelves.

I looked further up Shelf "686" and saw that the other nearest CALL no. was quite some way off - like "100.**" And then my eye caught the words "Isreal", printed in bold fonts, on the spines of four books. They were travel books, found amidst titles like "The Perfect Bath", "Marie Claire Beauty Tips", "Guy Style"- many other books on personal care and grooming... Beside the four travel books were 2 titles on "Feng Shui"; with no similar-subject books to be found nearby. Then I remembered the helpful library-lady telling me that some readers like to "browse and chuck (their books) anywhere". How strange... Still I suspected how those "out-of-place" titles were so neatly arranged, like as if they went meant to be there. Or were they meant not to be found? Maybe some anti-Zionist and geomancy-skeptic wanted to.. (ok, I shan't go further to dramatise the possible identities of fellow library-users.. But heh, u never know if Al Qae... d..) Hmm...


By the way, the National Library Board is DOUBLING loan quotas for regular members from now till 1st Jan 2006! That's 8 books for you to get all wriggly in between printed sheets of dead trees! (I've kapo-ed altogether abt 20 books using my mine, Mom's and bro's membership cards ;p; and still can borrow 4 more) wonder if i can read/digest finish in time though.. bleh..

Good luck to all those preparing for exams too!

Back to the Blog

I walked along the path leading out of my estate and.. Feeling a strange sense of liveliness, I noticed as well the (almost-forgotten) sweet scent of the cool morning air.
I approached the bend and started to quicken my steps towards the golden horizon beckoning me ahead:

The recently-planted "little fir trees" greeted me as I strode into the sunlight. I think the cheerful feeling inside was that of my heart and lungs secretly smiling.
My mind: "Thank God for this beautiful day!"
My heart: "What are you still strolling about for?"
My legs: "Let's go!!!"
"huff, puff..."
*heavy-breathing trailing off into the distance*

******
I think I like (waking up, not sleeping way past!) early-mornings again~ (^^)

******
Gosh, I just realised that there's been an awful lot of happenings (that're not at all awful-happenings) that I've not updated here, since I went off into another dimension to accomplish my advertising-campaign design-project for this semester. Soon after that, I had to go across the causeway to visit my paternal relatives. Came back to SG since 1 week ago, with a slightly improved bio-clock (for wanting to take the wheel safely and not be a liability to my family).

Since then, I've been spending some personal time cleaning/sorting/packing things in my room and some parts of the house. At the same time, whilst deciding not to waste precious free time grumbling about my holiday assignments, I've decided not to look into them until I've enjoyed myself adequately with doing some of the things-i(we)-said-i'd(we'd ;-) do after our respective exams/ assessments.

But anyway, it's good to be back, in the Bloggosphere-where I've heard of many-a-friend establishing their own piece of cyber-real estate too. Hope to link them all soon~! Woohoo!
More to come in these two months~

******
An extract* from Modern Marketing Bible-S'pore vers* :
During the late 90's, in the company's pre-launch ideation-days, Breadtalk's creators struggled to come-up with an idea for their "signature product". When they could not come up with anything more than luncheon-meat-stuffed buns, they finally decided to turn to God for inspiration. The creative-baking team got down on their knees and prayed fervently for light bulbs to light-up in their minds. During the prayer, the chief-baker (who was an atheist) was skeptical and said under his breath,"If this prayer-thing works, pigs will fly already"

Then from the heavens above, an authoritative voice rumbled,
"Look up! This is how your bun shall look like:"
Fig 1: Pork Floss Sky
Upon raising his head, the chief-baker was immediately filled with the Spirit of creativity and realised how to raise his bread.
The chief-baker and his team gave thanks and started worshipping God when He added on,
"By the way, be careful how; and what, you pray for. That which you were all praying for.. didn't Thomas Edison pray for that 100+ years ago!?"

Under divine inspiration, Breadtalk created their Pork Floss Buns that became so hot-selling that all the people of the land said, "Pigs are flying(off the shelves) now!!" And so the prayer-prophecy was fufilled. Later, company's directors decided that every employee should be baptised in Faith-raising flour so that everyone would appreciate the Provider of their daily bread too... that however, is another story for another day...

*some spur-of-the-moment nonsense by myself; please read with a pinch of salt.. :p

Purpose

Sometime ago, when "Back-to-School-Blues" was the looping-soundtrack that accompanied the latest "nagging-issues" episode of my living-showreel, I went into "meditation-mode" to find myself thoroughly shaken by self-doubt.

The following incomplete-post drafted then, only sees the light now:

***start***

For who am I working for?

It has dawned upon me that I might not be so independently-driven as I thought before.
I shrug off (too-easily) doing any "work" that pertains solely to myself; but (over)zealously seek out activities that fufill a greater group's intentions. The group project takes priority. Band practice is important to me. The lives of my family, friends and loved ones take precedence. There used to be so much to do for them. So much I could obtain a sense of fufillment from - in having "served" them; for what I always saw as mutually worthwhile causes.

Father~!
Mother~!
Gawd!?

What is it that I can do now? Now that I'm embarking on a journey of my OWN design( how unfortunate a pun~!) Why is it I feel almost powerless having "branched-out from the mainstream"; which was supposed to be suitably-liberating for me!? Why is it I feel that I am being forced to give up time with everyone-else to do these things myself?

***end***

a random from my Sunrise-collection:















To continue from where I left off back there & then:
I quote what a relatively-new friend recently said to me: "your weakness is that you always think what is best for others but not you" , "sometimes, you just got to be a little bit selfish to pursue what is good for yourself. it is a matter of fact, and it is very common and alright to do so" .

I thought about it and realised that wasn't the first time I've heard those words said to me. My parents have said that before; especially during the tumultous secondary school-days of Brotherhood and Band activities... when I ensured ChìChiñg Utd FC made it on-time for our Sunday-morning matches or court-kick-abouts... when I made sure I was in the Band Room whilst encouraging Bandmates to come in and practise as much as possible(especially in the months before SYF-competition~!)

Wait.. does that mean I've been living like that all this while?
A life of servanthood treading between democratic-leadership and plain-mediocrity?
A life embracing my personal growth but with a reluctantance to accept the end of my "foundation-phase"; to move-on and to flap/beat/spread my wings and take flight?
An insignificant life that's been spent wastefully so far?

!
No
Not at all.
When I think about it again clearheadedly, everything that was done, had it's meaningful life-changing purpose after-all.

I think things changed when:
- I learnt how to draw (first with Dad/Mom guiding my hand, then from attending Pre-school Art Enrichment lessons:-)
- I learnt how to play soccer with my Pri-sch mates - with a plastic ball~! (Ruebs' and ZhiWei should be very familiar ;-)

Think things changed when
- I went into a Chinese mission-school with my lack of domestic(&daily) Mandarin-usage and secular lifestlye.
- I (unwittingly) joined the Band with no music-theory-background (& I thought the Yamaha-recorder in Pri Sch Music lessons was tough enough!)
- my Brothers came into my life and we formed ChìChiñg Utd FC, the social-support on and off-the-field :)
- I started hating Math~! :p
- you wrote to me ;-)

Things changed when
- An Art-teacher encouraged my artistic-growth and I decided to take up Art for my A-Levels.
- I decided to still take MathC if only to fufill Architecture's prerequisites.
- I unfortunately burst a lung.
- I met you again *timeless Stairway-Scene replays*

I believe all the above, being Captain, Band-Major and Pope was part of the plan. I believe that He was with me all along. Yes, it's been a long time coming. And still He remains faithful.

I finally believe, that the "miracles" I've experienced during my challenging-but-overall-smooth-sailing N.S-days were only granted through His amazing grace (credit also, to friends and family for their silent prayers). Although they weren't outrightly, explicit epiphanies, I'd like to give credit to the Almighty; for turning difficult circumstances around; for working through everyone who has blessed me so far~! Hopefully, I can reminisce & recollect more memories of the loving Father's works-in-my-life (from my "unbelieving" past) to share with everyone :o)

If there were anything more purposeful for us than living life itself, it'd probably be: Knowing God.
Which means so much more than just knowing about God.
May His bleesings touch your hearts always. :D

a random from my Sunset-collection:


What was once lost, has thus been found!
Onward, to discover God's will now~

Love, Actually hor

Deep bass-guitar, synthesizers, bongos and maracas provide a backdrop of a lovely Caribbean sunset.. before a sultry voice croons "I can't believe... You're a dream coming true... I can't believe... That I've fallen for you..." and piano & saxophone riffs add the icing to her creamy vocals... *"Fallen" by Lauren Wood*

Have you ever felt your heart acheing? Particularly, an intense longing for someone?
When you felt that way, you probably asked yourself: "Could this be Love? Am I in Love with..."

Love. Another one of life's mysteries.

******
I recently stepped into a Christian Book/Gift Shop out of curiousity... thinking I might be able to get something useful to guide me along my new walk of faith. In the store, they had set up a small TV up in one corner, with a video recording of some seminar being played-back.
Frankly speaking, I wasn't paying much attention to the "pastorly" voices coming from the video as I was browsing the books on offer.

However, something did catch my attention. A middle-aged-sounding voice proposed an analogy to do with maintaining marriages : "Marriage is like opening a joint-savings account("of emotions", I'd add) with your spouse."

The speaker went on to add:
"Everytime you tell your husband/wife little words of love or spend romantic-time together, you make a deposit into your savings account. Everytime you have a fight and get upset with each other, you make a withdrawal from that account. So the more you contribute to this savings account, the healthier your marriage will be"

Well, that was at least what I remembered and/or rephrased. So, not only does making a "withdrawal" not translate into spending-credits, it also damages your personal well-being(s).(not to mention the kids' too!) Though we can't actually spend these "savings", we only need to contribute a little a day for it to grow substantially overtime. This is possibly one of the best places to "invest" in because of the win-win situation & infinite "returns" overtime.

Okay, end of "financial" advice. ;-) But seriously, it's certainly a concept applicable to almost any aspect of life; be it attaining our life-goals or pursuing the love-of-our-life.

******

(Warning to love-cynics and skeptics, "Cliches ahead")
Since you might ask how it feels like, this is what goes through:

I wake up thinking of you. I turn to smile at "you". But all I have is your picture by the bedside. Ah... How I'd make you some breakfast if you were around..

The morning sunshine greeting me reminds me of your smiling face. Another day to work, a day closer to when we might embrace.

The day's barely halfway, and I wonder if you're doing fine. "Had yourself a nice breakfast(or brunch) already?" I'd ask, when I suspect you've gotten too busy to remember "meal-time".

By afternoon I'm thinking, how best to throw surprises - that won't squeeze your schedule tighter but still make your day brighter!

And when the day seems to get stuck at Tea
I have only to receive a msg from you; & my eyes light-up with glee;
and "Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel" starts playing automatically! :D

By evening-time, you've got your school-hours & I picture you
tinkling or tabulating away.. wonder if you've brought a jacket
to keep the chills at bay..

And even after our "Good night(s)",
I can't sleep till I know you're safely tucked in.

Otherwise, I pray you'll complete your late-night-task soon.
Looking wistfully at the bedside-picture, i drift off feeling over-the-moon~

******
Aye, all that might not have been the anticipated-reply to some insightful relationship-related blogposts that I've came across recently. ;-) But, this'll have to suffice while I think on the uncovered-topics further~!

Hallelujah

Some time ago, I got this gift from Jo's cell-mates over one post-service dinner (was actually a prize that the cell won from taking part in a Bible-Quiz) It wasn't my birthday or anything, but since the prize couldn't possibly be split amongst cell, they decided to give it to me (being a "guest" of sorts then.. hee) It was a porcelain-mug upon which a verse was printed on; in large friendly fonts, that read:

" You did not choose Me, but I chose you
and appointed you to go and bear fruit -
fruit that will last. Then the Father
will give whatever you ask for in My name. " John 15:16

I thought: Was that a prelude for greater-things to come?


******

A little side-topic:
Give those who you feel deserving a word of thanks. Acknowledge their efforts; because it reassures them. Shows your appreciation sincerely, for wholehearted-expressions beget love. We were not born to read one another's minds(literally-speaking), so speak we must~! But always, use your tongue wisely and let encouraging words leave your lips; as much as possible.
Gratitude.
Have you got your dose today? ;-)

******

Today's topic:
In all unlikelihood and un-Weirong-like actions, I did something quite unusual today. Went out for dinner with a person I barely knew: a cell-group leader from church. But, it proved to be a thoroughly meaningful experience eventually. We chatted over dinner about general affairs and of course some words about the faith; before moving-on to a more chat-friendly environment. & Pacific Coffee House with its plush red armchairs offered that.

"So what's holding you back?", KL asked.
"Well..." I paused a moment before adding on, "Apart from a few uncertainties about what a Godly-life encompasses, I think there's nothing else really".
I continued to elaborate as KL promptly clarified my concerns.
*phone-beeps*

******

"Did you know that one who behaves self-righteously is in God's eyes, but a piece of dirty-rag?" KL stated gravely and continued: "No one should tell God what he deserves to receive from Him; for no human-being can equal the goodness of God's love for us."

At that moment, his statement sparked a thought in my consciousness. I remembered I once held a belief that if I portrayed myself well in the eyes of others and served their needs, I was pleasing God(back then: unknown, nameless to me). Truthfully, I was even secretly revelling in my "status" as "Pope" to my bunch of closest friends. All that "glory" for nothing particularly "holy" or "Godly" that I did. Self-righteousness? Yes, upon retrospection.. oh yes.. that was me then.. part of the growing-up-phase where one finds his place-in-the-world and sense-of-belonging I guess. I confess my sin to you all now~ (-.-)

******

We left the comfy bistro for a quieter place. Outside, the air seemed cooler than usual(in the city-area especially), seemingly to welcome us into the night.

We settled at the foot of a long flight of steps that led toward Marina Square. (Quite symbolic actually, to think that this is where one starts "climbing-up")

I thought: "Alright, this is it."
I closed my eyes and was led through the Sinner's Prayer after which KL added-on his prayer for me. In a few minutes, "Amen".

I peeled-open my eyes to see the night-time city-scene just as before.
There wasn't any overwhelming feeling that came; but I felt a little spark inside ignited, a re-awakened sense of spirit, a spiritual-renewal! :) (Myb I should confess my sins more often to continuously feel this good) But seriously, I will have to devote time in the Word and prayer and etc.. to build upon that first step.

I remember KL said, "All you need, is to have a 'child-like' faith in God" "This is how we all begin our relationship with the Lord - with Faith"

Here is where I start "learning to walk again", i thought; "like a child led by his Father."

******

Now, a flashback to the *phone beep* up there^:
I was still deep-in-conversation w KL & I didn't check it till much later. The sms was a reply to a matter concerning school. But, surprisingly, that sms was amzingly-appropriate as a response to my reply to KL's question~! Excerpt of the sms: "... Thank God for that... Now's the time to complete it... " I was stunned at that "coincidence"... but as God's child, I shall say instead, that it was God (divinely intervening &) showing his love~!

******

Thank you, Lord God, for the blessings in my life; & for planting the seed of your love in all who are dear to me. From this day forth, I proclaim Jesus Christ as my Personal Saviour; and hold steadfast Your promises and purposes in my life; and yearn to grow more&more like Him. Amen.

:0)
Dear Brothers and Sisters, when I am more learned, I will share the good-news will you too~
God bless you all~