Mid-year Menopause

The secular past seemed peaceful enough. But, though the paint-job looked good on the surface, the foundation of my personal "faith" could be comparable to a mud-hut in a quake-prone region. Too much lee-way was given, that could only mean inflicting upon myself more ungodly actions. To have felt some tinge of guilt, I guess there must still be some goodness left within. A tiny candlelight that yearned to do more than just glow - to out-shine the darkness, & cast a far-reaching light, radiating a finally cleansed soul. A poem I wrote some time ago encapsulates this nagging-past:

Redemption Seeking:

On a gloomy grey day;
that wasn't far away,
I contemplated my sins -
my impulses doing me in.

Unfortunate was the thought;
a double clot if not.
I drew the dagger while asleep
& finished me in gracious heat.

How did I falter;
can I repent?
Do you hear me Father;
am I your discontent?

For me to realise,
I know there's still hope -
If you help me light
the way to be PoPe.

******
Finally, I am about to embark on my studies again; after half a year's pause. The break has been somewhat fruitful though.

I'm may be repeating myself when I say, "I've expanded my personal space to embrace the spiritual and emotional". But, that really means a lot to me. All that has touched my heart and soul deeply, like nothing before. Even if I were a 10-year-old who's collected every single Happy Meal toy in the world, I would not be happier than I am now. I don't remember ever feeling this contented with life. And I cannot imagine how different life would be now if all those changes were taken away suddenly. I do not know then; if I'd ever find the courage & stamina - to face the professional challenges ahead; or even realise & nourish my faith enough to go to the Lord's house on my own...

Now, there is more meaning in life.

******
More, perhaps... after sun-down.