scratching

a curious thing happened today -
a certain uncertainty was broken.
when show time came, the ghosts of stages past were nowhere.

the set and audience weren't particularly large
but there was just this something different.
rehearsals drove our lines into memory so much so
that even the accompanying emotions were dangerously becoming thoughtless,
threading the fine line between spontaneity and something over-rehearsed.

nonetheless, it all seemed like a blur
from start to finish, unfolding like nature's clockwork
barely scratching the surface of memory
before it was time to take a bow
satisfied and suitably unyoked

now, how does becoming a totally different person on stage,
help one in life off-stage?
which is more real? or is the reality of either situation equally authentic?

Driving on; Sleepless

Something about the last post turned out to be prophetic.
Not that I had intended it to be though.

Well, I had to deliver what I promised before going off for the weekend a day early.
Managed to get a little shut-eye before taking over the wheel from dad too.
Thank God for the smooth traffic and fair weather to-&-fro.

***

Yesterday, dept. boss mentioned hearing about it; saying that he was sorry I had to work that way just to get my next day off. He said he didn't want me to end up feeling miserable about it all. Today, a colleague asked me,"You worked a 24hr shift last week?" "Saw(from computer-based security records) you tap out-and-in at 12+" "Must be go toilet right?"

***

More than anything, I feel a tinge of upset that comes from my folks who claim that I'm being too naive in thinking that I'm making a career where I am now. And there's the issue of "completing my education" also; which relatives in M'sia "counselled" me about.

A general/traditional "pursue-paper-qualification-first" mindset versus industry-determined "practical-field-experience-rules" status-quo. Address both by arranging part-time study & work? Would I have enough time & energy I wonder. Otherwise, either one has to be forgone for the next season. Still searching I am.

november drifts

I get this sense that she might prefer some solitude.
Her well-deserved mugging-break has barely started.
Adding on recent extended-family affairs, I guess it's important that she has quality-time for herself as much as the quality-time she devotes to her family. I pray God will provide relief and heals the pain of loss soon.
I know how it feels to have lost track of oneself in the midst of a busy season; and finding the need to "catch up with oneself"(as fellow cellmate puts it) so essential.

******

Earlier this evening, during a Channel 8 prgramme about home make overs cum celebrity interior-design competition, one of the celebs, Mark Lee mentioned something interesting.
He cited a solution for stinky shoe-cabinets. Roughly translated from Madarin, he said to
"Place a glass of cooked milk inside the cabinet".
"Leave it inside till the milk cools down".
"You can choose to drink the milk if you don't wish to waste it".
With regards to the milk, I suppose what he means by "cooked" is actually means "heated/ warmed". Currently, my shoe cabinet smells like a mix of aged animal-hide and kiwi-polish,
which isn't so much a biohazard. So I'll leave you all to try out that strange remedy for yourselves heh.

******

Last night,
I made my way to Penguin Books Warehouse Sale at Expo after an early dinner.
I knew Penguin to be a big publisher of paperbacks, so I thought I'd
take a chance to see if there was anything worth my time and $avings on.

Somehow, I had this feeling that the sale-items were going to be disorganised
like the MPH-one(also at Expo) months ago. When I got there, I realised that the books seemed more neated placed in cardboard-boxes on long tables spread-out sufficiently enough. As for the genre-arrangement, there was some rough semblance of organisation - travel guides, children's and everything-else sections. -.-" (oh well... it's a first-come-first-serve lelonglelong, so i can't expect things to be nicely arranged like in the national libraries.)
It was surprisingly not as crowded as I had expected. I guess it was probably due to the presence of 3 other food & lifestyle-related exhibitions running simultaneously in the adjacent halls; keeping the majority busy elsewhere.

I felt the prices commensurated with the fairly good physical-condition and selections available. Regular A5-paperbacks were going for $3-$5 or $8 depending on genre.. Hardcovers even better at $8-$10. or $12. I bought a couple of hardcovers to do with branding, and more paperbacks dealing with various issues- world, psychology, middle-east religion. All somewhat serious with the exception of one. Kinda' like a couple's-love-diary/guide. Actually, I think it's serious too, but it's contents are written in a comic manner heh. Haha. :-p

Ok.. more reading to catch up on now!
But not forgetting dissertation-related research & reading too! >.<
@.@ 8000 words, here I come!

Chinkapolean Chweem (part2)

The scene: A small gallery with on-going art exhibition.
The cast: GallerySeater, DJ & Myself + some occassional exhibition viewers

not chronologically accurate; but it doesn't matter here:
***
G: Whoa, my place there, there's this really cute Eurasian girl who takes the bus every morning also. Sometimes, I take the same bus as her.
D: A.... naughty ah you. Never go and talk to her?
G: Aye, don't dare to lah. What can I say to her?
(some cheesy lines follow) Hahahaa..
D: *chuckles* You say, "(insert less cheesy-sounding line)" lah~ Heh heh..
G: You know, there's this thing about Peranakan girls that makes them so Ooh~!
Those I ever met are all very sweet one.
D: Aye, where to find them nowadays...
G: Hey, you sound like you need a girlfriend eh.
D: yea, (in American-accent)ZhangZiYi would be nice. *sigh*
M: Hey guys,
I noticed some of my friends today are attached to Malaysian-borne girls. What do you think about that?
G: Hmm, think they can appreciate a simpler way of life since they didn't grow u in SG?
D: I dunno.. Maybe not as materialistic as local girls?
M: interesting...

******

D: Eh, you know nowadays, those kids start using the word "scene".
Can't stand it man. Can't they just call it "community" like everyone else?
G: It's not only that;
they're listening to heavy metal and wear anarchy tee-shirts. See some of these kids in our school too. But don't know why they can't appreciate punk-rock. I mean, it's like as if they wear anti-establishment on their shirts but don't know what it really means. It's just fashion to them. Shallow sia.
D: How come last time we kids not like that one ah?
G: Think last time life was simple.
You know that day, I was walking downstairs front of my block. There was this group of kids cycling in my direction. They said, "Uncle! Siam, siam!" You know, I wasn't angry man.
D: Except for the "Uncle" bit? haha..
G: *smiling/fist over heart* I was thinking, "Hey, I feel you bro! Alright~Keep it up & you'll live longer!" Man, I was happy to see kids on bicycles for once in such a long time. Kids nowadays don't play outdoors like we used to eh?
M: I remember playing soccer with my primary school friends.
G: Yea, last time when there was Malaysia Cup, all the kids were playing soccer right.
D: Ya, play at the void deck, the basketball courts.
G: I think those days Singapore had more identity. People seemed more united and everyone supported the National Team proudly. Every kid wanted to be like Fandi!
D: Aiyah, sad lah, how we kena kick out.
G: Ya lah, it was only a few of them who kelong what. Only Alistair, Abbas what. Why couldn't we carry on with the rest of the team? Think they were too hard on Sundram also.

*all sigh*

******
(caucasian couple, probably British-descent, enter gallery)
Couple: Excuse me, are you just sitting on the exhibits, or are part of the exhibits?
Us: Er yea, we' re supposed to view and appreciate the other works from this piece.
Couple: (amused) Alright then~ *chuckle*

******

G: Eh now i staring work already. Cannot like last time, anytime also can go for supper with friends. I remember staying out until 3 or 4 with the guys. Sometimes, even up till 6, then go school from there. Haha.
D: Yea boy, supper shiok sia . Now not so often already. Last time always go supper and I got cycle a lot too; so ok. *looks at midriff* Today, aye...
G: I think cos' all my friends Malay one, so we like to hang out a lot. Got that kampung-spirit you know.
M: I used to have more Malay & Indian friends during primary school. We always played soccer together. Nowadays not really in-touch with them though.
G: Oh yea, I notice now more Chinese like to hang-out late also? How come they follow our bad example? Haha..
*all chuckle*

******

G: You still playing with your band?
D: Yea, I am. Still making our music and stuff.
You know, I hate how the media says "local music"; as in "support local music"
It's like some stigma like that. Why can't they just call ours' "music". Just that.
It's music also what! Just let people hear us and let them think what they want.
G: aye, they trying to encourage people to support local productions. but yea, maybe they shouldn't call it "local music" cos' some Singaporeans when they hear "local", they may think it's not as good as some Western group.
D: Yea, what for compare? Singapore-made music is still music what.
G: Well, it's the same thing in Art/Design-scene what. We don't get as recognised as maybe some Ang Moh's work.

M: My art teacher told me before that he feels Singapore's education system is too focused on math and science. I think today's kids have a bit more choices.
D: Yea, at least the government start recognising something.
G: But actually, that was good strategy you know. When Singapore first got kicked out from M'sia, LKY then didn't have much choice but to develop our security and economy first. So since then, we all till today have to do N.S. to defend ourselves. And also, our schools have to teach what will be good for business.
M: Right *sigh*

******

How now, brown cow?

Losing sleep as a result of my BAGD* research and proposal making...
I understand very well when you say: "Stimuli like, too much information, seeing too many of something, too much noise" that begets "descending feeling of fear, dread or depression"
( Joles © 2006 with too much, too little... p 14 Aug 2006)

I even wonder if that citation was done in an
academically-appropriate manner; like every other quotation
I've scoured and sieved through LKCRL** for.

(Way)Earlier this morning I was dreading the prospect of
facing the penalty my tutor said she'd impose on those who fail to
submit our personal project-PPI's***, coupled with citations and bibliographies.
"...Shall not receive consultation-sessions from me..."

Deciding to take a power-nap, I lay on the couch in my living room.
T'was pitch dark except the view outside the lone open window:
a dense saturated violet/burgundy glowing faintly at the edge of the horizon.

Just as I lull into the void of unconsciousness,
somewhere in my head fires an instinctive warning that
jolts my senses out of slumber.
Swallowing slowly, I could not help but fear the above-said penalty.

Steadying my breath and thoughts,
I shuttle between wakefulness and the darkness a dozen tries
Even the ambient peaceful hush could not put my mind at rest-the wordless warnings
echo like remnant smoke trails that follow after the surprise mental artillery.
After my fatigued mind numbed itself out, a slab of steak dissolves in my sub-conscious.

How now, brown cow?

_________________________________________

BAGD*Bachelor of Arts; Graphic Design
LKCRL**Lee Kuo Chuan Reference Library, National Library
PPI***Plan, Purpose & Intention