Thoughts @ 24 (2 Parts)

back-dated post...
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Got to get this one down for the record...

Part I (Fri 27 Jul):
To Chiching Brotherhood (aka AHS mates & spouses) :
Thank you all for the thoughtfulness...
Like I said that Friday night, I've known most of you since we were 13.. some even further back! Just being able to see all of us gather together truly is the best birthday present I could have asked for.
(Beats the Breko Cheddar Beef Sandwich hands down! O, and the cake too! Thank you all for it though I really thought you'd consider my request to bend tradition with : candles on a birthday Sandwich!)
Anyway, I forgot to add in my "speech", a special mention of our members who weren't present. I want for us to continue regarding these dear ones as family, whether or not they are still around.

Just as I stated a long, long time ago, "When you get home late and find your parents already asleep, it dosen't mean they love you any lesser(than if they were to be still awake)"; it dosen't mean that those who aren't present have forgotten about us. Not being able to field 11 men in our golden-yellow strip today dosen't mean that Chiching United F.C. dosen't exist anymore.

Realistically, I don't expect relationships in our family to be perfect when our very human condition is imperfect to begin with. But let's first ask ouselves if we have ever cared enough for those (whom we think we've lost) to even want to bring them back into fellowship. Have we been "self-righteously judging and rejecting those who had walked out on home.." ? Just like in Jesus' Parable of the Lost Son, have we adopted the elder brother's begrudging,negative attitude as opposed to the father's rejoiceful outpouring of compassionate love for the younger prodigal son who had finally returned home.

The heart of the matter is a matter of heart. (not "matters of the heart" i.e. romantic-stuff)

I thoroughly enjoyed your company this evening.
Though I may not have as many words to say as I used to in the past, I quietly keep all of you close in my heart. Thank you all once again; for your love and commitment to honour our wonderful friendship!

"Love is patient, love is kind...it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails" 1 Corinthians 13:4-8



Part II (Fri 10 Aug) :
My dear NTU cell threw a surprise-party of sorts for me after Growth session this evening.
While I was busy settling the money-matters for the refreshments and other youth participants were polishing-off the muffins and drinks at the refreshment table, the cell was apparently huddling over one corner of the hospitality area. ( I wondered why they seemed uninterested in the yummy Prima-Deli muffins I had procured! ) After attempting to find a pastor, I exited the Church building into the hospitality area once more and all of a sudden the NTU cell broke into song and claps. Some of the other youth clapped along too. I just smiled while my insides gasped. I was promptly congratulated by the cell and served a square slice of rich dark chocolate cake. Someone said,"Sorry we dunno where we run off to; so we helped you cut the cake first!". So this was why they were not grabbing the muffins. Haha.
Thank you dear NTU cell for the surprise =D
A big "Thank you" to dear Joles who specially ordered this cake for me ^.^
Finally, to other friends by whom I'm honoured to receive your greetings,
Thank you! xD

On Love

drafted 10Nov'06; completed today:
******
I planned to wake up early yesterday morning because I wanted
to make a fluffly scrambled egg(think Mac's Big Breakfast-type) for me n bro's breakfast.
I call it a Jedi-Fluffy-Egg or J.F.E.

When the alarm went off, there was a gentle stirring in my subconscious.
After about 5mins, I thought I heard my subconscious-self saying, "It's time to go!"
And out of Dreamland I went. And immediately after that I was climbing out of bed
ambling to the kitchen eyes half-open.

Good thing I remembered to use the smaller pan for the egg.
Easier to control, heats up just enough to cook a moist n' fluffly egg over a small flame.

Later I thought to myself, "why is it I can't wake up early to do my own work but I can do so when it's something for someone else"

Love is purposeful.
Love takes initiative.

******

Been thinking about whether this rather personal issue is really affecting me.
It's a problem that's been on the top of my head for quite a while. Literally!
Yep, recent friends, you may not have noticed much.
But long-time loved-ones & ChiChing-bros have spoken about my receding hair-line
and diminishing-scalp. Not so much to the extent of discussing who will donate scalp-tissue n' pool together moolah for my hair-transplants though. :-p

There was a time when I told Jo that I had some hairy issues to deal with.
When I said it was about my falling hair, she queried me innocently about
whether I'd ever shave my head.
I said, "Why not?" I agreed with her that:
When it looks like it's irredeemable, I'll go under the knife.
Not to restore, but to remove it all heh.
She then said, "Recalling the time I saw your Dad at the parade,
I already knew that I had to accept the possibility of you balding.."
Me: *>.<*inner-tear*
Jo: "but..how u feel also matters.."
Me: "I will make a decision before my tub of Gatsby wax runs out."

Love is understanding.
Love is acceptance.
*Jo's probably relieved that I didn't suggest wearing a toupe or wig. Haha >.<

******

"5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7 but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross! " Philippians 2:5-8(niv)

Love is giving.
Love humbles itself.
Love is unconditional sacrifice.

13"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends" John15:13(nkjv)

Grounded Cupid

'Twas 300-odd days ago,
on the postman i rested my hope
The next evening we let words flow,
A light rekindled as she spoke

Reviving sentimentalities,
we casually delight
each-other's faint memories;
funny how our paths reunite

And so began the wooing
that looked to a future
There was sincere purpose
and heartfelt gesture

Then slowly came the issues,
that begged to be revealed
Was your trust misused,
and thus remorse congealed?

I prayed for healing,
you searched your heart
Lord heard our pleading;
forgiveness He'd impart

Yet that was all,
but surely lasting-bliss
Though He took our fall
still something was amiss

We had reserved ourselves
before the elders spoke
Though babes in Christ,
we were unequally yoked

Just about a fortnight ago,
we were ministered to
Hearing Godly advice though
there were dangers exposed too

And so we agreed
that we'd let the Lord show
If we fit indeed
pray He'd let us know

Although it's tough when our heart's all silenced
I will trust with all my spirit, in His steadfast asylum

Love, Actually hor

Deep bass-guitar, synthesizers, bongos and maracas provide a backdrop of a lovely Caribbean sunset.. before a sultry voice croons "I can't believe... You're a dream coming true... I can't believe... That I've fallen for you..." and piano & saxophone riffs add the icing to her creamy vocals... *"Fallen" by Lauren Wood*

Have you ever felt your heart acheing? Particularly, an intense longing for someone?
When you felt that way, you probably asked yourself: "Could this be Love? Am I in Love with..."

Love. Another one of life's mysteries.

******
I recently stepped into a Christian Book/Gift Shop out of curiousity... thinking I might be able to get something useful to guide me along my new walk of faith. In the store, they had set up a small TV up in one corner, with a video recording of some seminar being played-back.
Frankly speaking, I wasn't paying much attention to the "pastorly" voices coming from the video as I was browsing the books on offer.

However, something did catch my attention. A middle-aged-sounding voice proposed an analogy to do with maintaining marriages : "Marriage is like opening a joint-savings account("of emotions", I'd add) with your spouse."

The speaker went on to add:
"Everytime you tell your husband/wife little words of love or spend romantic-time together, you make a deposit into your savings account. Everytime you have a fight and get upset with each other, you make a withdrawal from that account. So the more you contribute to this savings account, the healthier your marriage will be"

Well, that was at least what I remembered and/or rephrased. So, not only does making a "withdrawal" not translate into spending-credits, it also damages your personal well-being(s).(not to mention the kids' too!) Though we can't actually spend these "savings", we only need to contribute a little a day for it to grow substantially overtime. This is possibly one of the best places to "invest" in because of the win-win situation & infinite "returns" overtime.

Okay, end of "financial" advice. ;-) But seriously, it's certainly a concept applicable to almost any aspect of life; be it attaining our life-goals or pursuing the love-of-our-life.

******

(Warning to love-cynics and skeptics, "Cliches ahead")
Since you might ask how it feels like, this is what goes through:

I wake up thinking of you. I turn to smile at "you". But all I have is your picture by the bedside. Ah... How I'd make you some breakfast if you were around..

The morning sunshine greeting me reminds me of your smiling face. Another day to work, a day closer to when we might embrace.

The day's barely halfway, and I wonder if you're doing fine. "Had yourself a nice breakfast(or brunch) already?" I'd ask, when I suspect you've gotten too busy to remember "meal-time".

By afternoon I'm thinking, how best to throw surprises - that won't squeeze your schedule tighter but still make your day brighter!

And when the day seems to get stuck at Tea
I have only to receive a msg from you; & my eyes light-up with glee;
and "Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel" starts playing automatically! :D

By evening-time, you've got your school-hours & I picture you
tinkling or tabulating away.. wonder if you've brought a jacket
to keep the chills at bay..

And even after our "Good night(s)",
I can't sleep till I know you're safely tucked in.

Otherwise, I pray you'll complete your late-night-task soon.
Looking wistfully at the bedside-picture, i drift off feeling over-the-moon~

******
Aye, all that might not have been the anticipated-reply to some insightful relationship-related blogposts that I've came across recently. ;-) But, this'll have to suffice while I think on the uncovered-topics further~!

To Know Him

I never knew Him by name.

******
The closest was back in Anglican High..
Back then, we had Bible class(in mandarin!) and Assembly(sing-a-long/worship-type). Having Civics&MoralEd. lessons conducted in Mandarin already was enough for me. Being preached to; in the language I was poor in, only served to put me off altogether. Maybe I wasn't receptive, or just plain ignorant. But what was I to do if I could go no farther than a few characters(only recognised some names like "John" or "Jesus") before stumping upon unfamiliar ones - yes, the Bible was printed in Mandarin, old-fashioned-multi-stroked-characters!! fan2 ti3 zi4!! So much for my 1st brush with Evangelists.

Those days, I never saw the need for religion. I only had my parents/teachers/friends/myself to answer to. Yet, I was no atheist. I had always acknowledged God's existence. (The One God I blogged abt in a previous post) This God, whom perhaps only I prayed to. I even borrowed a prayer from the pocket-Bible(that an uncle handed down to me) that goes something like:
"Our Father who is in Heaven, your name be kept holy; your kingdom come; your will be done on Earth, as in Heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors. Lead us; not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory, forever."

After speaking the lines, I'd always ask God to bless my loved ones and resolve their difficult trials. Doing that was meaningful enough to me - enough to satisfy the inner-me spiritually. Somehow, after leaving Anglican, I never said those lines before bedtime anymore. (It is a wonder even to myself, that they were recently recalled with unusual ease!)

Check out AHS' Website!
okay, the link leads you to the school's core values page; where I will take the opportunity to give blessings to my Alma Mater and to ask: "Chiching Brothers, when was the last time we formed the Holy-Circle!?" :p

******
And then,
I walked through the big wooden doors into the hall. There were at least 150 people, mostly youths, inside. A good number of them formed neat rows at the stagefront. With a wide, raised stage, soft stagelights and many rows of flip-down cushioned seats, the place resembled a concert-hall. On the right-end of the stage, a 5-piece combo-band was playing some introductory tune with guitar-riffs. Upon the 2 empty wall-faces sandwiching the stagefront, were song-lyrics; projected keenly. I notice a small "control-centre" (probably the Soundbox?) of sorts near the back-row seats.
When the band and on-stage singers led the crowd into song, I couldn't help but feel like I had been trasported 7 years back in time, into a school hall Assembly in Anglican once more.

******
A windy night.
The scent of rain.
Words, took easy flight.
Knowing glances, sustained.
Then, I could only love with words,
Could not bring myself to touch..
But now, in spite of myself, I reached forth.

The Night quietened.
And a gentle stirring began from within:
A feeling that radiates warmly,
enveloping your being with unspeakable euphoria.
That sends your heart racing on a rainbow,
soaring to the clouds, the stars.. Utopia!

Pulled apart to return once more.
This gift I offer to you: Patience, reassured.

******
Now, for a song:
"Tender is the light/Lying by your side//Tender is the touch/Of someone that you love too much//Tender is the day/The demons go away//Lord I need to find/Someone who can heal my mind" - Tender by Blur